#Relationships goals are on all the hottest couples’ pictures on social media. While these pictures look good on Instagram and Facebook, there is so much more that goes into a relationship than looking good in a picture with your significant other. Today we are going to take a look at the 6 elements that go into making a relationship solid. We will talk about #Communication, #Trust, #Respect, #Happiness, #Faith, and #Love Languages.
Communication in a relationship is one of the most important elements besides trust and respect. To develop great communication skills, you must learn to clearly express your feelings, learn to actively listen and be mindful of the non-verbal cues. Communication consists of small talk throughout the day, deep conversations during dinner, or even disagreements. You should learn to handle all aspects of communication in your relationship, not just the happy moments.
Having disagreements in a relationship are normal and different for everyone. I hate to hear someone say they don’t have disagreements in their relationship. To me, that is a communication red flag. Both parties should be able to express their views and hopefully, a middle ground can be met. Sometimes that is not the case, so you must also be mature enough and learn how to disagree in a respectful way. Communication is not only talking and expressing your needs, wants, opinions and ideas, but also about listening. You must learn how to be an active listener when your partner is expressing themselves. Here some traits of an active listener.
- Gives Eye Contact
- Avoids Distractions
- Has Open Body Language
- Asks Questions for Clarity
- Can Paraphrases what Partner says for Understanding
The last thing to remember is your non-verbal cues. You may be saying that you are ok with something but simultaneously rolling your eyes. Think about what your facial expressions or body language may be saying to your partner. I know my boyfriend always tells me to fix my face, and I laugh because sometimes I don’t realize that I’m making a nasty face. I try being more aware of my non-verbal communication, but sometimes I fail. There will be trials and errors when learning to effectively communicate with someone else. Just know that developing great communication in a relationship is a two-way street. Both parties must be willing to put in the work.
What is a relationship without trust? You must be willing to let your partner earn your trust as the relationship develops. For some, it’s harder than for others, but you must work on your trust issues if you want the relationship to succeed. Know what it takes for trust to be earned in your eyes, then give that person a chance to do so.
Also, know that trust and honesty goes hand and hand. The best way to build trust in your relationship is, to be honest from the beginning. When you lie in your relationship you damage the trust that your partner has in you. Be a person who says what they mean and means what they say. If you make a commitment to your partner, follow through with it. If you can’t you must learn to communicate that clearly. Being flaky in your relationship does not build trust.
What does respect look like to you in a relationship, and how are you showing your partner respect? Whatever your answers are to those questions, respect is the third element needed in a relationship. Its super simple, you need to show your partner respect and they need to respect you.
To show respect in your relationship think before you speak, re-frame from cursing when arguing, and be mindful of your tone when you are speaking. No belittling of your partner. Learn to encourage them and acknowledge their work in the relationship. Be quick to forgive and apologize even quicker. Respect boundaries and be mindful of their emotions. Respect also helps to build trust and communication. When your partner feels that they can trust you they are more inclined to openly communicate with you. Respect their opinions and decisions, even if they don’t line up with yours.
Relationships can’t be peaches and cream all the time. You may feel disappointment, anger, or your significant other can really be working your last nerve, but through it all, you should be happy with the person you are with. Your relationship should make you feel better, not worse. When you are genuinely happy with someone you are usually more inclined to work things out during the hard times. Are relationships work, yes, but you should not be struggling to find happiness.
#FAITH & #SPIRITUALITY
I am a believer in God and being with someone who also believed in God was very important to me. I wanted someone to connect with on a spiritual level and that is what I got. I believe that connecting with someone on a spiritual level helps develop the relationship. So why is it important? Because it’s another way to create a connection. This can also provide guidance in the relationship. You can worship together, pray together, do yoga, and meditate. What guides your heart in making a moral decision. When you both are on that same path things began to gel together nicely.
I will not lie, I struggle with compromising in my relationship. Yup, I too have to remind myself all the time that I need to compromise. So, I check my selfish ways and listen to my boyfriend, so we can come to a compromise. Your relationship should not be one-sided. Compromising in a relationship should look like both parties giving up something, not just one of you. If one person must give up more than the other in a situation, work on negotiating in other areas. This way it will be a win for the team. Compromising should never be one person settling to please the other. Yes, there may be a time when one person may have to compromise more than the other. But, it should never always be this way. Learning to compromise makes the relationship fair and even.
Knowing your partners love language is like having the cheat codes in a video game. Reading Dr. Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages helped me put a lot of things in perspective when it came to how I loved in my relationship. Knowing your partners love language can help open the door to their heart. Couple that with communication, respect, and trust and you began to travel on the right track.
If your partner’s love language is Words of Affirmation make a conscious effort to say something uplifting to them more often. If their love language is physical touch, make sure that you hug or kiss them without them asking. When both of you know your love language, you can make sure that you are showing your partner love in their love language and not your own.
The elements I covered today are only the beginning steps to a flourishing relationship. Remember all relationships must be two-sided and both of you must put in the work. Began to open the dialogue about what areas of your relationship that you can improve on. If you are not in a relationship take note for your next relationship.