Dating Woes: 3 reasons you are not finding a suitable mate

Most of us have taken a dip in the dating pool. Looking for love, but sometimes in all the wrong places. I struggled for a long time in this dating world. Getting ghosted, running into f*ck boys, and on the wrong side of non-sustainable relationships. I couldn’t figure out why I struggled so much. Why, did I keep running into these dead in situations. Then I started reading and trying to figure out where I was going wrong. When I figured out my problem I felt like things started to changed. Today, we will talk about three areas you must have and understanding on to command a relationship.

YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT

There are a lot of people in the dating pool. While many of us are out here fishing. Do you know what type of fish you are trying to catch? What are you really looking for in a mate?  I’m not talking about those shallow wants and needs like driving a specific type of car, looking a certain way and having a specific job.  There are so many more qualities that go into making a human being. I remember a time when I had no clue on what I was looking for. I just had a type and that’s what I was going for. Then I read something about writing a list of qualities you want is a mate. My list consisted of a man who was romantic, had a sense of humor, God fearing , loved my family, and etc.  I was not playing, I needed to be with someone who knew what love looked like to them and that’s what I looked for.  I even starting dating outside of what I considered “my type”.

     I have noticed that people desire to be in a relationship, but don’t know exactly what they are looking for. Yes, you will have to date for a while to figure this out, but you should have some idea of what you are looking for. Know what your deal breakers are and what are core values you want it a mate. Know that you may get all the qualities you desire and you may get a handful. Be realistic. You are not trying to assemble a doll and you aren’t perfect either.

YOU DON’T CLEARLY EXPRESS YOU DESIRES

So you are a step ahead of the game and you have a clear understanding of what you want. Good, but are you expressing those needs clearly. I know there was a time when I wasn’t. If you put in work to figure out what you want why not express them too. People aren’t mind reader and F*ck boys aren’t trying to read the directions. So, get to express what you are requiring of them early on. This will help you eliminate non-suitable mates very quickly. 

Don’t be like the old me and get trapped while playing the silent game because you feel that will keep them around longer. This is one of the biggest mistakes people make. Once you start talking about your expectations that’s when you get to really know someone and find out if they can handle being with you. Closed mouths don’t get feed and they also don’t end up in a relationship. We are moving out of I’m just meeting new people and seeing how things go. We are setting up habits of dating with intention.      

YOU DON’T SET BOUNDARIES

I spoke about setting boundaries in a previous blog, but I want to talk about it again. People prey on others when they see that they don’t have boundaries.  Why? Well, the main reason is without boundaries they can get away with mostly anything. They can be mediocre, refuse to set a dates ahead of time, and think it’s ok to call and drop by your place when it’s convenient for them. Boundaries are repellent for someone who is not looking for a commitment. So, set those boundaries and call their bluff.  Require for them to do more. They may be able to move and shake for a little, but they won’t be able to hold things up in the long run. It will become to “relationship” like for them and they will be running for the hills. And that my friend is a good thing.

You want them to feel the heat early on so they won’t get complacent with doing the  bare minimal. Also, once you set boundaries don’t keep moving the line to make things convenient for someone else. Draw a solid like and don’t let anyone pass. Not a broken line where they can switch lanes when they feel like it. Boundaries not only help them understand what they can and cannot do. It also helps remind you of what you will and won’t tolerate.

I know first hand how hard it can be in these dating street. Don’t subject yourself to falling into dating traps by not preparing yourself to win the battle. When you prepare for the game you may not always come out on top, but you will always put up a good fight. So let’s find out what we are truly looking for in a mate, began expressing what we want, and setting boundaries that are strong and steadfast.

With these skills you will began to see a change in not only who you date, but also in the dating process it self.  Again, never be afraid to stop dating someone when they are not looking for the same level of commitment you are. That is one of the biggest ways to waste your time. 


Until Next Time. Happy Dating

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